So last Thursday, practice ended late again. Coach Miller pulls me aside looking stressed, says “We need that final roster list yesterday, man. Parents and reporters keep hounding me.” And just like that, I volunteered. What was I thinking?
Phase 1: The Scavenger Hunt
Started bright and early Friday chasing paper trails. First stop? The Athletic Director’s office. Found last year’s crumpled roster sticky-noted to his monitor — half those seniors graduated already. Useless. Dug through file cabinets near the gym, dust flying everywhere. Found a preseason sign-up sheet… with scribbles, crossed-out names, and zero jersey numbers. What a nightmare. Tracked down Coach Davis at lunch period; she had a messy Excel sheet on her phone but no positions or contact info. Got handed three handwritten notes from different assistant coaches — all conflicting.
Phase 2: Corralling Cats (aka Coaches)
Grabbed my laptop and camped out by the field during afternoon drills. Flagged down every coach between drills:
- “Coach Miller – confirm Jake Wilson switched from #22 to #12?”
- “Coach Davis – is Rodriguez QB2 now? Your note says he is.”
- “Coach Benson – did Tyler Moore quit last month? Nobody’s seen him.”
Got answers like “Maybe?” and “Gotta check my book.” Phone blew up all evening verifying details while eating cold pizza.
Phase 3: Excel Hell and Proof Panic
Saturday morning? Typed non-stop. Sorted players by jersey number, copied positions, triple-checked spelling. Formatting fights:
- Names kept jumping rows
- Accidentally deleted the kicker twice
- Auto-save ate half my work once
Emailed draft Sunday to all coaches – instant chaos. One replied “#88 is Safety NOT Linebacker!” Another: “Mason transferred?! Since when?” Fixed it live while texting them screenshots.
Phase 4: Delivery Day Drama
Monday hit print at 7 AM. Printer jammed. Twice. Stapled copies for the AD, all coaches, team managers. Posted clean PDF in the team’s private FB group. Instantly got tagged by parents “Ryan’s position is WRONG!” and “Missing player stats!” Deep breath. Clarified it’s JUST names/numbers/positions per coach orders.
Final result? Got shaky nods at practice. Coach grunted “Good enough.” Success. Took 4 days, 12 coffees, and one migraine… but hey, that roster’s DONE. Lesson learned? High school football’s organized chaos. Bring extra staplers next time.
