So the athletic director calls me last Tuesday morning, real sudden-like. “Hey, we need someone to get eyes on the football program structure,” he says. Not sure why they picked me honestly, but I grabbed my notebook and went straight down to the field house. Place smelled like old turf and sweat, kinda nostalgic actually.
The First Look
Walked into the main meeting room, coaches buzzing around like angry hornets. Head coach slammed his hand on a playbook thicker than my grandma’s Bible. “This system worked back at my old D2 school!” he’s yelling. Meanwhile, the offensive coordinator’s shaking his head hard. “We got different athletes here! Can’t just jam square pegs in round holes!” Felt like watching two dogs fight over one bone.
Trying to Make Sense of the Chaos
Spent three whole days just shadowing everyone:
- Monday: Watched morning conditioning. Half the guys looked gassed after warmups. Strength coach muttered “They ain’t used to this Midwest weather” as kids gasped for air.
- Tuesday: Sat through film session. Defensive backs kept zoning out when coach explained coverage schemes. Saw one kid actually dozing off – can’t blame him with that monotone voice.
- Wednesday: Equipment manager showed me the gear room. Shoulder pads older than my truck held together with duct tape. “Budget’s tighter than my ex-wife alimony,” he laughed, but it wasn’t funny.
Each department was running their own show like separate kingdoms. Offense drills clashed with special teams practice schedules. Kids shuffled between fields looking completely lost.
The Ugly Reality Check
Game day hit like a freight train. Rained buckets from kickoff. Watching our quarterback fumble snaps in the downpour? Painful. Receiver routes were all wrong – one kid ran straight into his own lineman. Defense? Might as well have been cardboard cutouts the way they missed tackles.
Final whistle blew at 38-7. Silence hit the locker room harder than any tackle. Water dripping from the ceiling into a rusty bucket made the only sound. Head coach stared at the floor tiles like they held life’s secrets.
What Actually Got Done
Took everything back to my basement office next day. Brewed awful coffee and wrote till 2AM. Didn’t sugarcoat nothing:
- Told ’em to scrap that ancient playbook and build new schemes around actual player skills
- Pushed for unified practice schedules on shared calendars (even wrote instructions for the tech-illiterate coaches)
- Made case for new equipment showing close-ups of those taped-up pads
Emailed it to the AD at dawn. Two days later? Got forwarded a chain of coaches arguing about practice times in ALL CAPS. Equipment manager replied “good luck with that” about the pads. Classic. Change comes slower than a glacier round here.
Where It Stands Now
Got a call yesterday. They’re testing simplified offense plays during spring ball. Small win? Maybe. Still seeing those kids run confused routes during drills though. Found duct tape holding new water pipes in the weight room last week. Some things never change.
But hell, I’m buying the equipment manager a case of duct tape next payday. Least I can do.
