So I was watching basketball highlights last night, right? And I kept thinking, man, it’d be kinda fun to just make up new players sometimes. Like, imagine some crazy rookie no one’s ever heard of popping outta nowhere. Yeah, people got those 2K games and all, but I just wanted something simple. Open it up, get a random dude with a name, some stats, maybe a team. Poof, done.
Anyway, I opened my laptop. First thing that came to mind? Google Sheets. Yeah, spreadsheets. Seemed easy enough. I could just whip up random names and slap in numbers. So I started:
Made three lists. One for first names (“Jamal”, “Tyrese”, “Marcus”… you know, regular basketball-sounding stuff). One for last names (“Williams”, “Smith”, “Johnson”… classic). And one for positions (PG, SG, SF, PF, C).
Tried the =RANDBETWEEN thing. For stats like points, rebounds, assists. Just set some numbers between, say, 5 and 30 for points? Felt random enough.
Then I connected it all. Used =RANDBETWEEN to pick positions too. Had =VLOOKUP pull the right position name based on that random number.
Hit enter a bunch. Saw things like “Jamal Williams – SG – 27pts, 8rebs”. Not bad! But… hitting F9 to refresh the whole sheet every time to get just one new player? Felt clumsy. Like using a bulldozer to plant a flower.
Okay, time for something a bit smarter. Opened up my trusty VS Code. Python! Everyone says it’s good for random stuff.
print(f"Meet {f_name} {l_name}, a {position} with Overall Rating: {overall}")
Ran it. Boom! “Meet Kawhi Davis, a Small Forward with Overall Rating: 85”. Nice! Way better. But… Kawhi Davis? Hmm, kinda goofy names sometimes. Needed more names. Went back, stuffed like 20+ names in each list.
Still felt plain. Just a name and one number? Players got stats, man. Points, rebounds, all that.
Time to build him out proper.
# Added stats lists, tweaked the ranges to make sense
points = round(*(10.0, 30.0), 1) # For decimal points!
Okay, now we’re talking! Malik Haliburton ain’t a real guy, but those stats? Looks like he could ball! Still… something missing. No team!
Went back to my code. Made a big list of NBA teams. East and West, all of ’em. Added:
teams = ["Lakers", "Celtics", "Warriors", "Bulls", "Heat", "Nuggets", "Mavs", "Sixers", "Bucks", "Knicks"] # You get the idea, added like 20+
team = *(teams)
# Edited the intro line:
print(f"n✨ Introducing the {team}'s Newest Draft Pick: {f_name} {l_name} ✨")
Tested it out. “Introducing the Heat’s Newest Draft Pick: Jalen Antetokounmpo”. Oh man, Giannis’ cousin? That works! Felt like a real rookie profile.
Played around a bit more. Added random heights and weights with reasonable ranges. Made sure centers were taller than point guards. Messed it up at first – had some 6’2″ centers, total disaster! My brain just froze trying to make it connect positions to height ranges. Skipped that for now, made separate lists for guards/forwards/centers heights instead. Cheated? Maybe. Works.
Also added a random “player type” flair thing. Stuff like:
✨ Introducing the Bulls' Newest Draft Pick: RJ Murray ✨
Position: Shooting Guard
Overall Rating: 78
Height: 6'5" Weight: 205 lbs
Play Style: 3-and-D Wing
Scoring Punch: 18.3 PPG
Board Man Gets Paid: 4.1 RPG
Playmaking: 3.8 APG
Defensive Pest: 1.7 SPG 0.6 BPG
There it is! Feels alive. Maybe won’t win MVP, but seems useful. Probably will tweak those stat ranges later – maybe make “Paint Beasts” have higher rebound numbers? Dunno yet. Happy I got it from a dumb spreadsheet to a script that actually spits out something fun. Saved it, closed VS Code. Mission good enough.
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